Monday, April 4, 2016

Affirming Words

affirming words, affirmation, stepmom, stepmom support, blended family, step family
It is very important to always look for ways to compliment our children and stepchildren.  Affirming words go a long way with children.  Can you think back of when you were a child, do you remember any affirming words or compliments you received? Did that help encourage you to be the person you are today? Unfortunately, I only remember bad names that I was called from my mother.  I don’t remember any encouraging, complimenting or affirming words growing up.  Do you want your child or stepchild saying the same thing or do you want them to remember affirming words you used to speak good into their life? We need to speak positive words over them it will help shape them into the person they will become when they are adults.  Kathi Lipp and Carol Boley state that we should use affirming words to express your understanding, support and belief in your stepkids.  Speak words of life into your children.  Find ways to say something encouraging and positive at the right moments. Some examples of affirming words are below:

Affirming Statement Examples:
Your making wise decisions, I’m proud of you.
Every time you smile, it lights up a room.
You’re such a caring person, I love how you care for people.
You are a great cleaner.
You are always so organized.
You’re a great decorator.
You’re always thinking of others, you are so thoughtful.



You can speak life of future into their lives by saying these statements to them:
You are going to make a great parent someday.
You’re going to become a great inventor.
You inspire others to be a good person.
You are great at figuring things out.
You are going to do such great things for God, when you get older.

Affirming words also can encourage your child to try new things. As Amy Baker & Paul Fine state parents who engage in mindful and positive parenting believe in their children and convey to them an attitude of encouragement and faith in their ability to solve their own problems, identify good solutions, and achieve their goals.  When you see the best in a child it helps to encourage them to try new things.  Trying new things helps them grow up to be independent adults.  When you encourage your child, you show them that they are valued, respected, loved and trusted.  All children need to feel that way from their parents. When your child shares their hopes and dreams with you, show enthusiasm towards it.

Affirmations for Yourself
Using affirmations for yourself can help release negative energy and turn it into positive energy. When dealing with something negative say to yourself “I will release these negative feelings and not let them have any more control and focus my attention only on the positive energy today. I chose to live today at the fullest.”
It’s also helpful to make a list of positive attributes.

Positive Attributes
I am a caring person.
I am a loving person.
I am a good person.
I am a generous person.
I am a creative person.
I am a smart person.
I am a positive person.


Rachelle Katz states that affirmations can also bolster your belief in your ability to grow, change, and improve your life.  You can do this by writing a list of “I can” statements such as:

I can succeed
I can achieve
I can overcome anything


And try to use “I will” statements that will help you move to achieving any success in anything you want to accomplish.

Examples of “I will” statements are:
I will take on only what I can handle today.
I will control my emotions & feelings today.
I will control my temper & attitude today.
I will feel less guilt today.
I will be the best stepmom I can be today.


All of these will help you turn your negative affirmations about yourself over to positive affirmations. In order to give affirming words to our children, we also have to have our own positive affirmation about ourselves.  Whatever we speak out of our mouths will come to pass, so speak positive affirming words not just to our children but to ourselves and our circumstances.  We give life to whatever we speak. As Proverbs 18:21 says “Life and death are in the power of our tongue”.  If we speak negative thoughts or words about ourselves or our children they will come to pass. Proverbs 6:2 says “We are snared by the words of our mouth”.  Choose today to start speaking positively to our children and to ourselves.  Try saying positive affirmations every day like: “I’m excited about today and about my future. Something good is about to happen to me today.” Or say this “I’m blessed. I’m healthy, I’m strong, I’m valuable, I’m talented, I have a bright future.”  Try this and see if your days are better than before. See if your children’s attitude and behavior changes when you use affirming words on their lives. Remember that whatever you speak out loud, you give life too.
References:
Amy L. Baker & Paul R. Fine (2014). Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex. What to do when your ex-spouse tries to turn the kids against you.  New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Rachelle Katz (2010). The Happy Stepmother. Stay Sane, Empower yourself, Thrive in your new family. Harlequin publishing company.
Kathy Lipp & Carol Boley (2015). But I’m not a Wicked Stepmother! Secrets of Successful Blended Families. Focus on the Family. Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

15 comments:

  1. I agree, affirming words are always great to hear as a child. My mom always gave some to me.

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  2. Great article. I couldn't agree more. I often see posts from mom's with their childs picture and a remark about how cute they are. They are but it makes me cringe everytime. Is that really an important thing to affirm? So much better to affirm actions.

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  3. This is something I'm working very hard at. I can see the glee in my 4yo's eyes when I do provide positive reinforcement and I know she's a child who really relies on that method of communication. Thanks for the extra ammunition!

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  4. Michelle, thanks for this article. A very timely and must read for me. Really motivating and inspiring.

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  5. My mother was good at giving me affirmative statements and positive support. What I think is curious though is how one criticism can sometimes seem to outweigh all the positives. I am conscious of this as a Mom because my one daughter is very impressionable as a teen. A mere comment to her might be felt to be a criticism and sometimes I need to catch myself before I blurt something that she can misconstrue - that's a challenge parenting girls.

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  6. It can be easy to be negative, I've fallen into that trap myself a few times, so the message of making an effort to actively communicate in an affirmative way is a good point that is spot on.

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  7. Sorry to hear about negative experiences with your mom. At least you are doing better for your kids. I'm all about affirmations. They make all the difference. =)

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  8. Affirmations are very important for personal growth and development I use them often

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  9. Gotta start with speaking positiv4 words and life into our life!

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  10. What we hear and believe of ourselves is so powerful. My parents have always been my greatest encouragers and supporters, and I try to do the same for my children.

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  11. afferming statements are usually perfect for people. I love the book 5 love language

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  12. I love this blog post. Affirming statements can make all the difference. Words are so powerful. This is great parenting.

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  13. Affirmative statements are important for growth and my father is good at giving me such statements!!

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  14. I agree, children tend to get a positive attitude when we deal them with affirming words that could inspire them & motivate them. These are some great examples & a wonderful resource for every parents to keep their kids on a positive note.

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  15. These are wonderful. I love hearing parents speak positive to kids. I heard a dad screaming at his child the other day and I wanted to remind myself to be mindful of my words.

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