Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Things to Avoid

things to avoid, stepmom, step mother, blended family, blended families
When you become a stepmom it is hard to know how to treat your stepchildren. Sometimes it can be very stressful. There are certain things though that should never be said or done no matter what because it leaves permanent scars that every stepchild will remember forever.  Try to always keep the relationship positive and never negative.  Just like the bible says in Proverbs 18:21 our words can either speak life or death.  Just one misstep and our words and actions can blow up a good relationship with our stepchildren to kingdom come.  I put the following list together from not just my own stepmom experiences, but also what I read in many stepmom books over the recent year. I hope you take this information and use it to help better your relationship with your stepchildren and not make any of these mistakes.

12 Things you should avoid Saying or Doing to your stepchildren
1. Calling the stepchildren names of any kind.
2. When are you going home? Or I can’t wait for you to go home.
3. Anything bad about their mother.
4. Don’t share any legal matters or any conflict you have with their mother with them. That’s adult business.
5. Don’t talk about money problems or even money positives.
6. Don’t share anything with them that you don’t want the ex-wife to know about.
7. Making them feel like they don’t belong.
8. Don’t break any traditions they already have with their Dad, just add new ones.
9. Always try to include them in everything, meaning family vacations, family events and so on.
10. Never say Yes when really the answer should be No. Don’t be a pushover – Because they will walk all over you and have no respect for you.
11. When you say you’re going to do something with them, Do IT and be consistent.
12. Do not discuss any issues you have about their father to the stepchildren. That’s adult business.

If you do slip up and do some of these things on the list, it may take a while to repair the relationship with your stepchildren. But don’t give up hope, everyone makes mistakes sometimes, so don’t be to hard on yourself. What you have done in the past doesn’t define you. You can be forgiven and renewed and set free of guilt and shame and condemnation. The biggest thing is asking your stepchildren for forgiveness and it’s not easy to do, but apologizing and saying you were wrong for what you did is the best approach to take in the right direction.  Hang in there and know you’re not alone, all of us parents and stepparents make mistakes from time to time. But it takes a lot of will power and strength to go and ask for forgiveness.  So make things right, it’s never too late to turn the relationship around.

21 comments:

  1. #10 is much easier said than done.

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  2. These are great tips and that is one beautiful picture of you!!!

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  3. those are great tips that would probably work for all kinds of parents! :D

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  4. great tips for parenting in general. asking for forgiveness is especially important.

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  5. These are very good tips. I think it is so important to keep adult conversations with just adults.

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  6. These are awesome tips. I really enjoyed reading. Although I don't have a stepchild, I have close friends/family that do and I see consequences when someone does one of the things listed to their stepchild. Even just saying something negative about their mom/dad... just don't do it. That's not fair to the child.

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  7. These are great tips, for more than just step-parents too. I can think of a few people that I know who would do well to listen to this advice.

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  8. I think this applies to every parent, not just step moms and dads. We don't want our kids growing up with permanent scars.

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  9. These are all good things to consider when parenting any child, step or not. As a Stepmom these are things I have tried to practice even if sometimes they can be difficult!

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  10. I love that picture on the bottom. I like that you said your mistakes don't define you. We all make them at one time or another.

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  11. What a beautiful and well written article. These are all things that must be considered but I found the tips to be good even though I am not a step parent.

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  12. Very nice article and great list. It's hard to believe that someone would need to be told about some of them but I know from observation, they do. Thank you for sharing your journey.

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  13. #3 and #6 is very much important. Again, great tips. Thanks for sharing this!

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  14. #10 is hard for me and the rest are not easy for step-moms.

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  15. Being a stepmom is a big challenge same as being a real mom. There are times that no matter what you do, good or bad, stepchildren still don't like you. But lucky stepmoms like you who are dedicated should be admired.

    Mhar Sefcik
    http://www.brightbundles.com/

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  16. I was blessed with an amazing Stepmom. God rest her spirit

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  17. I was blessed with an amazing Stepmom. God rest her spirit

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  18. It's really pretty amazing how much consideration needs to go into what you say and do around them. It's a tough gig!

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  19. This is great advice. I've been on both ends, and it's never easy.

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  20. So important to include the little ones in all family activities, vacations, etc. I would say it's important to teach kids about money. Particularly to show them by example how to give, save, invest, and spend.

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  21. These are great tips and these are all things that must be considered!!

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