Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Sweet Sixteen Birthday

sweet sixteen birthday, step mom, blended family, kids, parenting,
The special cake we ordered for her special day
About eight months before my stepdaughter’s sweet 16th birthday.  I decided I wanted to do something very special for it.  I first asked my husband if it was ok, to throw a big party for her even though we were already in the process of having my son’s graduation party a month before her birthday.  He agreed to it, so I was very happy to do it for her.  Then I asked her about it and she said yes.  I told her the theme I wanted to do for it was a Luau out party, Hawaiian themed and she loved it.  

So I started planning it and every month buying a little here and a little there for her big party.  Even though I knew it was a lot to ask everyone to come to two parties within 3 weeks apart from each other. I still kept planning away for it.  Then I thought about inviting the ex-wife, I knew she might not come but I asked my husband and he was a little hesitant on the idea of it.  I said it’s for your daughter and I really think she would love to have her mother there too.  So then he agreed to it and then I asked my stepdaughter if she would like to invite her mother to come and at first she had this surprised look on her face and smiled.  She said yes, and said she would like it if her mother was invited.  Even though I knew it would be hard for me to have her in my house and around all of my family and his family.  

I asked my husband to make something special for my stepdaughter (his daughter),
The surfboards are on the left
something she could keep and never forget.  He decided to make surfboards and put pictures up of her of when she was younger, they turned out really nice.  We even ordered a cake from one of her favorite bakeries.  We had her pick out what it would look like out of many different pictures on the internet.  We bought lays and bought grass skirts and even got coconut bras for the guys to wear meaning my son, stepson and my husband.  I bought her a special dress that she picked out online for the day of the event.  She also helped me pick out dresses for my girls to wear for the big day.  I made different trays of food that looked Hawaiian and decorated the whole house.  We rented a snow cone machine for her day too.
Here's some of the things I made for it.
On the day of the birthday, I was also kind of upset because a lot of family and friends were canceling on me the day before or the day of.  Which made me upset because I really wanted my stepdaughter to feel special and to have more of my family there to make her feel accepted and loved by them.  The ex-wife showed up on time while everyone else was later than I had hoped, which made things a little awkward. I tried to make small talk with her, but I was also trying to get things ready for the party so I just let it go and had my stepdaughter visit with her.  It was so hard and I felt like I was walking on eggshells.  Then, finally a lot of family started coming, which made things a lot better, but I just felt like her eyes were always on me at all times. I did introduce her to my mother and others as they came in, trying to make her feel a little more comfortable.  My mother and mother in law sat at the same table as her, but the table was very quiet other than my mother and mother in law were talking and having their own conversation.  And my stepdaughter and her mother were talking and having their own conversation too.  I tried to break the ice a few times by going over to the table and talking, but it really didn’t work much.  Because my mother in law doesn’t care for the ex-wife and my mom didn’t either because of everything she has put us through. It wasn’t easy trying to keep everyone happy.  Part of the problem to was that I forgot to tell my mother in law that the ex-wife was invited to come to the party, so I think she was in shock. I mainly did it to make my stepdaughter happy and because I wanted to try to create a friendship with the ex-wife, but it didn’t really work out because I wasn’t able to even sit at the table she was at, because it was full and it was hard to be a host of the party and be able to talk to everyone. 

All of us... (step kids are on the right)
The party was a success other than not everyone being able to make it. But all of our parents were able to come that’s all the really mattered the most in the end.  I would have liked it if all of my siblings were able to make it to the party too. I can tell that my stepdaughter was very happy that I organized the birthday party even though I really didn’t get a thank you for it. I wanted her to feel special and the day to be all about her.  But I didn’t let it bother me; I was more bothered that I didn’t get a good chance to sit down next to the ex-wife and try to have a normal and civil conversation with her other than Hello and thanks for coming. It just was my attempt at trying to move on and establish some sort of relationship with her. 

Have you ever organized a birthday party for your stepchildren and invited their mother to come to it? How hard was the event with her being there at it?

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