Sunday, October 25, 2015

Self Care

Self Care, Stepmom, Step mothers, blended family
I know this isn’t an easy thing to hear, however, it needs to be said. Often times us stepmoms are trying our best to be the best wife, best mother and best stepmom that we forget about our own needs.  Well, our own needs are just as important as everyone else that we love.  Emotional needs, in particular, are just as important as the air we breathe, shelter or food.  Emotional needs aren’t just about feeling loved and to love others.  It’s about socializing with others and belonging to a group for support. Because everyone needs someone sometimes and it’s important to be able to have your own time to relax and let your guard down with a friend or a group of stepmoms. 
When I first got into my relationship with my husband, I shut everyone else out and just spent every waking moment with him that I forgot about my friends and left them at the curbside.  I didn’t know I still needed them even though things were on my fire with my husband that all I would focus on was him and making him happy.  My husband and I just couldn’t be apart for an hour without missing one another.  I tended to lose myself with him, which I know a lot of us tend to do when we get into a new relationship or marriage.  I regret not carving out time to still be with my friends and for that I lost a few really great friends because I was always canceling on them or not calling them back.  But then when things started going wrong, I didn’t have anyone to turn to for advice because I shut them out of my life.  Then things were very hard on me because I felt like I had no one to turn too.  Then I started evaluating my life and how important having a girlfriend is and that I need to try to repair the friendships I had lost that were very dear to me.  Some I was able to save and others were just gone.  Please don’t let this happen to you, friends are so important because once that relationship ends or has bumps in the road you need that friend to talk too.  Friendships most times last longer than relationships or marriages so it’s important to find the time to invest in them.

Think of it as one hour, one day, one evening, one weekend, don't you deserve some "me" time?
It’s also just as important to take care of your health and well-being.   Often times we don’t even know how to satisfy our emotional needs.  The truth is that unless we place our own emotional needs first on our list of priorities, we will be of limited use to anyone, including ourselves (Katz, Rachel; 2010). It’s very important to look for happiness in the right places.  The best way to figure out what are your happy places is to write down a list of places that make you feel happy when you are there whether it be Starbucks, the gym, the mall, your favorite restaurant, the spa or at a friend’s house.  Those are the places that you need to try to do at least once a week.  If you keep doing things for others, you will get burned out and eventually become depressed. Think of yourself and do something for you at least once a week.  You will in turn see how happy you can become and how much energy you have to keep doing for others.
As for me, I enjoy seeing my best friend once a week for coffee or we go to our favorite Mexican restaurant for cocktails.  It’s so great to be able to talk and share with one another about what’s going on with our lives and get advice or just laugh about silly things.  I always feel like hundred bucks after I had time with her.
We need to do something for ourselves in order to feel happy about our life. Don’t wait until you’re exhausted or depressed from taking care of everyone else’s needs, start today and care about yourself.
Are you happy with your life? Do you do enough for yourself? Do you put your needs first?

References:
Katz, Rachelle. 2010. The Happy Stepmother. Stay Sane, Empower Yourself, Thrive in Your New Family. Harlequin

11 comments:

  1. Me time is so important in a marriage! You always bring more to the relationship when you have had time to recharge. I like to get my nails done, have wine with my girlfriends, take the dog on a walk to reconnect with myself!

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  2. Me time is important and it's easy to lose sight of that when you are a mom, wife. Everyone else's needs always come first and then if there's a few minutes here and there, I get to do something for me, but it's a rarity. There's a lot of guilt involved in taking time for yourself.

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  3. Best friends are so important, they are always there, especially when a relationship end or hits problems. It's so important to cultivate that friendship. I love spending time laughing with my friends x

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  4. It is definitely important for all moms, wives, women to make sure to give themselves time and rest. We tend to forget this and feel guilty for needing it. I too struggle with this sometimes. :) Great post.

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  5. me time is so important for every woman, period - even if it's just a few minutes per day

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  6. I feel that my mom does a lot for us so we like to go out and give her time to rest and take a nap.

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  7. Time is so important in everyone's life and more that this important is utilizing that time on different things to keep the balance in lifestyle!!

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  8. Everyone deserves "me time" to avoid burn out and have energy. It's important! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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  9. I need that reminder often I do for others more than me. End of the day I am most important to myself

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  10. I always forget that, I have been crazy busy lately and kept pilling things on my to do list to earn extra money for my family and I am extremely exhausted. It is hard to think about yourself especially when you have a child.

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  11. I have to schedule time for myself. Otherwise, I go a little nutty. Great list!

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