Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Gifts Taken Back

One weekend my stepdaughter came over with big surprises for my both of my girls they were ages 8 and 9 years old at the time.  I had no idea what she had for them.  Then she brought them out two American Girl Dolls that used to be hers, she was giving one doll each to both of my girls since she outgrew them and didn’t play with them anymore. I was really surprised and even thanked my stepdaughter for giving the dolls to my girls, it was just the kindest thing she has ever done for my girls up at that point. My girls were so excited and so happy and gave her a big hug for the dolls. My stepdaughter even had a bunch of accessories that she also gave to them to have. Then the next kid weekend we had them my girls didn’t do something that my stepdaughter liked and didn’t play the way she wanted them to play with her. She got very mad and called each of them both Brats. Then my husband punished her and sent her to her room. I was in another room at the time when all of this went down.  So I didn’t know what was really going on at the time. Then all of sudden a big loud cries came from my daughters room and then I rushed into their room to see what was going on.  My stepdaughter had come into their room when she was supposed to be in her room for punishment and took both of the dolls and all of the accessories that she could grab out of their room and told the girls they will never get the dolls back and that they are gone for good. My girls were crying so hard. And of course, my husband and I got into it with one another because he didn’t tell my stepdaughter to give the dolls back to my girls. I was really mad at her that she would give the girls dolls and then take them away like that. The fact that my husband would let her get away with taking something she has already given to someone else back because she was mad at them made me furious. She insisted on wanting to go back to her mother's house, which was totally fine with me since her behavior ruined the rest of the weekend. 
The following year I ended up getting them each a new American Girl Doll for each of their birthdays to make up for the great loss of the ones they used to have. Even after that all happened my girls still loved and adored their stepsister, which I was grateful that I didn’t raise daughters that hold grudges. 
The valuable lesson I taught my girls that weekend was to never take back something you give to someone else only because you're upset with them. When you give something to someone else it's theirs to keep, Taking gifts back after you give them is never okay.
Has anyone dealt with this issue with your stepchildren? If so, how did you handle it?

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Graduation Ceremony

My stepdaughter recently graduated High School this past June.  I really wanted to be there, in fact, I bought three different sundresses for that special day and I really wanted to be there to celebrate it.  About two months before the big day I was going to buy the tickets for the graduation ceremony, the ex-wife called my husband and told him she does not want me there because she doesn’t want their daughter under any stress and she’s afraid of it really putting her through a lot of stress. When he came home to tell me this, I was so hurt that I cried because I have missed a lot this year with his kids and yet here’s another thing I couldn’t be a part of.  At first I was hurt, but then I got angry and said I have every right to be there and that I was going to go to it anyways and my husband agreed with me.  Then as the weeks came closer I had mixed feelings about it all and felt that if I went that she would make my husband pay for it somehow or another.  After talking to a lot close friends and family about whether I should attend or not. The day before the ceremony I decided that I would not attend.  It was not any easy decision to come to because I hate the fact that I feel like she’s not just the boss of my husband most of the time, but she’s now the boss of me and I hated the fact that I was letting her have that power over me.  I also really hated the fact that no one else on my husband’s side of the family could attend the ceremony which made him going by himself.  Having a child graduate High School can be an emotional day and to have to attend it alone without your spouse being able to be there is very hard and then to have to deal with the ex-wife and her family being able to be there is very hard on top of it.  That’s why it was also hard for me to not go because I really wanted to be there for my husband beside see my step daughter graduate.  
The day of the event all I did was cry at home, feeling so hurt from it all.  As soon as it was over and my husband came home, all he did was hold me and let me cry and he cried with me feeling bad that I couldn’t be there. The other bad thing is that all of the pictures he took didn’t come out; they were all blurry which made things worse. Sometimes I just feel like she still is married to my husband because of all of the control she still has over him.  He rarely argues with her on things which make me mad, but I do see why he does do what she wants, because he’s afraid of her taking him to court and having custody taken away from him, which she has done in the past. Overall, that was a very hard and emotional day for my husband and me.
Have you ever missed an event due to the ex-wife telling you, you can't attend it? How did you deal with it or handle it?